SNIPS AND SNIPPETS...Selected Writings from Dustybear

HOW TO DESCRIBE THE ESSENCE OF JUST WHO YOU ARE...

2007-07-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes as elusive as a vapor trail
As highly charged as a third rail
As welcome as a long-awaited letter in the mail...

You are all of these.

If it please you to just smile at me,
It would, I know, set me completely free...

from all the plain, mundane, sad, bad things...
that can and do happen to the best of us...

Do I fuss too much?
Such is the way of me, I guess...
as I sit here, almost overwhelmed by the wonder
that is you...
and through the long to be spent years,
as you wipe away my tears,
shake off all the fears that would consume this one,

through the fun, joy and times we celebrate,
with you, I would never feel second-rate...
and as i stand finally at heaven's gate,

i would say
because I could say,
it was worth it all...

THAT is the essence of just who you are.

A star...to shine...always...
and forever...
more.

Essences C 2007
by Dustybear

BEARPIECES -

2007-06-29T01:49:00.000-07:00

DIME A DANCE -

The Saga of

Frankie and Tess

Book 1 - Part 2 / The Plan

From Chapter 7...

"Howard and I have something to tell you two sweet boys," she said, looking from Frankie to Kenny and back.

"Yes, mom?" Frankie and Kenny said simultaneously…while holding hands under the table and squeezing said hands and also while trying to keep from fainting. Pretty quickly, their brows began to show beads of anticipatory “fear-dew!” Yep. Something told both of them this was not going to go well. They looked at their mother and gave sidelong glances to each other, and also to Howard who was looking singularly uninvolved in the calamity that was about to unfold. That, of course was his well-worn chosen path…after years of having been married to Elke.

"Honey! Both of you Honey’s!”

Elke flashed her biggest smile…"Howard and I…are…in!

That's what you need to know, and BOYS! NOTHING ON THIS EARTH is going to keep us from helping you. We just need to know where you want us to go…and what you want us to do! Where do we…

Uh, what's that word Howard? Oh yes!

IN – FIL – TRATE!”

Elke accentuated each syllable just so her sons wouldn’t miss her meaning. Then she settled back in her chair and proceeded to just sit there…all smiling and self-confident and,

for lack of a better word, looking SPUNKY!

Frankie, totally taken aback, lost his grip and then very unceremoniously and very very ungracefully; he fell off his chair. ALWAYS the take-charge type, that boi. ALWAYS in control. Yep yep. He had turned absolutely white and literally fell off his chair, while Kenny gasped.

Yep, these were definitely S U P E R H E R O' S! No question.

I'm sure the director of the FBI would be beaming with pride at these two hardcore WOOSIES right about now.

Frankie was looking pretty sheepish as he struggled to get back up into his chair. Eric looked down at him and thought to himself, "Oh God! If that is all it takes…”

Then Eric looked at Kenny who had gone as white as a sheet. You could hear a pin drop in that room about then, and through it all? Elke just continued to merely sit there, looking all SPUNKY!; (As I sat and watched all this, there wasn’t a scintilla of doubt in my mind. Not only did Elke know exactly what she had just done, she was now reveling in the results. No dummy she.

Frankie wanted to die, and Kenny wanted to help him and then commit suicide.

"Mom! You can’t…I mean…uh, oh God. Frankie, say something for God's sake..

MOM!

DAD! Please. Talk to her!"

(Howard was obviously being no help at all…for he had learned over the years that when Elke made up her mind, she just jolly well made up her mind and that was that. Period!)

"FRANKIE!" Kenny was pleading now. "Mom. What ARE you talking about?" Frankie said after finally finding his voice.

"I am talking about helping my two little boys of course…and their, uh, ‘friends.’ What kind of parents would we be if we weren't there for our own children when they obviously need us. Right, Howard?"

"Absolutely, dear."

Frankie went white again. Kenny turned even whiter, and it got REAL quiet…as Elke just sat there looking all SPUNKY!

(A bit smug, too…if you ask me. But then nobody did so I just thought it!)

Frankie looked at Kenny. Kenny looked at Frankie, and then at Tess, who was looking a bit peaked herself. Then Frankie looked at his shoes and then at Eric. Then back to Tess, and then he looked back to Kenny.

Then at his shoes again. "I need new ones!" Frankie thought to himself... "OH GOD!"

Then Frankie looked at Billy Ray and then pleadingly at Rose, who looked back at Frankie with a “gotcha” gleam in her eye, who looked at Jake, who looked at Elke and, to Frankie's surprise, smiled.

"By God, the woman has…SPUNK!” Jake thought to himself.

Frankie still didn't have too good a grip on that chair he was in, and Kenny was about squeezing the life out of Frankie's hand under the table. In fact, he was coming periously close to completely cutting off all of the circulation in it!

Kenny just looked at his mother…and what he saw was SPUNK and determination.

"Oh God...not that, Mom! Oh please, Mom…not THAT look,” Kenny thought to himself…for he knew Elke when she got “determined.” In fact, both of her sons knew ‘that look’ only too well.

Then, Billy Ray, who had been totally silent throughout the whole exchange, said, "Mrs. Mc Alester, welcome aboard! You too, sir,” as he directed his gaze to Howard.

Frankie and Kenny looked at Billy like he had taken

TOTAL leave of his senses and had just totally lost it. Gone mad…stark raving mad.

Then, Jake, who had also been quiet, said, "I echo that…and by God those damn mugs better know one thing. You DON’T mess with mama Bears when their cubs are endangered...trust me! I got a mom too, ma'am…and I wouldn't tangle with that woman, at gunpoint…'specially if she’s the one holding the gun!”

Elke sat, smiling.

Yep. Elke has spunk all right, and she knew exactly what Jake meant even if she didn’t know his mama. Elke didn't have to know her. Yep, Elke had spunk all right, and we were gonna find that out, too. BIG TIME!

Frankie felt nauseous and Kenny felt numb. By now so was Frankie's hand…and before anyone else could say anything, another entry came galloping into the mix.

"RYAN? TONY?"

"MAMA?" ...Tony.

"MOTHER?" ...Ryan.

“Oh God! “ I thought, while laughing to myself. She nodded to me, and I said..."Mornin', Ofelia!"

Frankie fell off his chair again, which was getting a bit tedious…not to mention painful. Kenny thought he was gonna throw up. Rose, being a woman and fervently so sat beaming!

“O KAY! YEP, YEP! This is gonna be a real humdinger," Rose thought to herself. Billy Ray sat smiling and thinking the same thing.

Eric, at that point, began to wonder at exactly what point he had completely lost control of this entire operation. Perhaps his superiors had been right, but it was a teeny bit late for that! Mentally, he began the suddenly painful mental process of adjusting to these new circumstances. Rosie heard him sigh.

HELL, the entire planet heard him sigh. She saw him roll his eyes and she knew he was thinking…and WHAT he was thinking was..."Oh, dear Lord,” and he began to reflect on the time he had felt bullets whizzing over his head…and how much simpler that seemed now. "Oh, dear Lord...please!"

MYSTIC MISTY MOONLIGHT

2007-06-14T11:45:00.001-07:00

In a mystic misty moonlight..my love grows warm..ur form & substance..reflected in my heart..never part..from me..The icy reality of my previous pain & hurt..flirt with melting..pelting me with droplets of a possible..new..mood...an interlude..an eternal flame..name..ur passion...ur desire..fire..me with ur love..move me above & beyond the ice age where I have dwelt..I knelt upon the altar of hope..cope with the newly changing landscape..make me live again..love then...life anew...few if any have made me feel like you do...new horizons loom...sweep the lingering ice away..like a new broom...clear the decks for living..giving me new visions..no derisions here...come near..spark the fire that longs to up..cup my chin in ur hands..he fans the flames..fuels them higher with his touch..much to be said & done..but Hon..I want ur bright white hot heat..beating inside me...free me from the past..vast love awaits in me..for you...TOO LONG..have I waited for heat of passion the promise of you brings..sings..my heart..YES...to you..love for you..love 4 me

BEARPIECES - THE DUSTYBEAR CHRONICLES - Bk 2 Dustybear Takes A Chance ch 75

2007-06-04T01:57:00.001-07:00

CHAPTER SEVENTY FIVE -

THE PERFECT STORM

*************************************************************

There is no surprise more magical than the surprise

of being loved:

It is God's finger on man's shoulder." - Charles Morgan

**************************************************************************

The Storm continued, unabated

both inside and out...

Both storms wielding ENORMOUS

force...and power.

*************************************************************

OUTSIDE, the lightning CRACKLED...

Cloud to cloud

cloud to ground

It's AWESOME POWER tangible...visible,

in the darkened sky.

INSIDE, the lightning CRACKLED too...

Person to person

and back

IT'S AWESOME POWER tangible...visible

and equal to that which was flashing through the

sky OUTSIDE.

THUNDERING...both inside and out.

ROCKING the house from without and within.

Mother Nature in all her breathtaking power...

Love in all it's breathtaking power...

Fitting almost, seemingly...that it should all be
going on simultaneously.

I could SEE the flashes,
and HEAR the rumbling
OUTSIDE...

I could FEEL the flashes,
and SENSE the rumbling..

of two hearts
INSIDE...

**************************************************************

We stood at the window for the longest time...

just looking out...at the wonder...of the storm...

Rico pressed HARD against my back...

his long torso...TIGHT...

his long arms encircling me...

each of us with a coffee mug in one hand...

but scarcely noticing them...

I could feel his power to be sure...

and yes...his passion,
obvious in ITS intensity...
in a way...

And yet,
I could feel his gentleness too.

Perhaps his sensitive, creative side.....

I have always loved that side of Rico.

It's not that I don't love his
'TAKE CHARGE'

no-nonsense side too...

His 'LETS GO FOR IT BEAR...
GET IT DONE and go on' side.

His ability to FOCUS on something

with an intensity almost beyond reason,

and similar to MY ability to do the same...

AND YET...
be able to multi-task almost to perfection

even BETTER than I....

and his drop-dead funny side too.

His crazy slapstick zany nutsy funny side..

SUCH a good match to my own....

NOT a duplicate...

a COMPLEMENT...

virtually, a compliment as well....

Even his insecure side too...

his vulnerable side...

ALMOST...but NOT quite...masked...

by his defensive barrier...

which I am privileged to be able to
see AROUND...

That place where he keeps his pain, and past hurts..

and his....longing....for something better...

his HUNGER...for FREEDOM...from the childhood...

the uncaring and unsympathetic parents..

the brothers who loved him....

Ryan and Rusty...

although caring...about him...

but never truly understanding him...

and I surmise that they still don't....

AND, from the aloneness he has always felt...

perhaps...a bit like Jonathan..Brenda's Father...

TRULY, an anomaly in his own family...

YEP...

ALL his sides....

Yeh..I did..and DO...love them ALL....

and his MIND....

GOD that boi has a QUICK mind...

always thinking...

a tribute to his upbringing perhaps...

but there it is...

*********************************************************

WE STOOD...

lost...

in our thoughts..

in the storm... raging...outside..

in the storm...raging...INSIDE

and for some strange reason...

that I don't EVEN BEGIN to understand...

SOMETHING....was happening...

something...FINAL...

something...FINALLY....settling itself...

as we stood there..

LOCKED together...

our bodies, our hearts, and our emotions..

merged...

almost ONE...

I could feel it....

oh yes I could...

I could tell that Rico did too...

I almost expected to hear a CLUNK...

as SOMETHING...kinda...dropped...into place...

like a padlock...

or a deadbolt...or sumfin...

and in a way...I THINK......I DID...

WEIRD.....

but...there it is...

All of a sudden, as if that were EVEN...

REMOTELY possible....

He pulled me TIGHTER to him...

giving me the feeling of being COMPLETELY SURROUNDED

by this boi....

Then he stood...leaning down....

he, kissing the side of my neck...

softly...gently....

right below my right ear....

the little tip of his tongue...

just BARELY...grazing my skin..

His soft lips...moving slowly..sensuously...

along my neck...

I could FEEL....NOTHING...but Rico...

I could HEAR...NOTHING...but his heart....

and mine..

beating TOGETHER...

yep...

Something went CLUNK...

and that was that...

PERIOD...

FINIS...

SAYONARA...

END OF DISCUSSION...

and we BOTH knew it...

Then, all of a sudden...

off in the distance...

I saw it...

a piece of sky....BLUE....sky......

VERY....

INTENSELY...BLUE....

contrasted against the darker gray of the clouds

just ahead...

THEN.......

I KNEW....

THE STORM....was moving on....

slowly....but deliberately...

It had done its work...

and now it was moving on...

and NOTHING would EVER be QUITE the same again...

It would perhaps continue...somewhere else...

but HERE?

The storm...PERFECT...in its intensity...

was moving on...

and in its wake...

a sense of newness that you COULD SEE...

a gleam of sunshine...through the clouds...

the water GLISTENING on the tips of the grass...

YEP..NEWNESS...

peacefulness...

BEAUTY...

A settled QUIETNESS....

AND, THEN...

as we stood looking out...

I saw it...

a misty-tinged glistening tableau....

out by the edge of the porch steps...

Two little flowers...probably the first of the Spring...

beginning to gently slowly open...

Rico saw them too...

and his lips just stopped...on my skin..

on the side of my neck...

our two heads resting together...

our cheeks pressed together....

as we watched those two little flowers..

begin.....to BLOOM...

Rico reached around gently...softly...

and began to stroke a teardrop...

that had begun to fall..from my eye...

Reaching his hand around,

he...took the tip of that finger...

and put it on his tongue....

"Hoodlum...will...ALWAYS>..

take your tears...Bear..."

He whispered in my ear...

"Take them..and put them...

where you can't see them..

The sadness...and the hurt too..Bear...

ALL OF IT....

and...FOREVAH...BEAR...

FOREVAH.....

You will ALWAYS have ME...."

I turned my head slightly...

so as to look at my hoodlum...

as his lips gently moved onto mine...

SOOO SOFT....TENDERLY....

I almost fainted.....

**********************************************************

YEP

the PERFECT STORM...

and now...WE, like Nature..

had become NEW again...

Maybe, like those two little flowers...

NOW.....WE could BLOOM....

TOGETHER.......

After The Rain*....

*********************************************************

"The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise.

It is not that we seize them, but that they seize us."

- Ashley Montagu

*********************************************************************

*"AFTER THE RAIN"

Music and Lyrics by Dustybear

BOOK ONE

"THE DUSTYBEAR CHRONICLES"

All of the characters and events depicted herein are purely fictional.

Any similarity to any person or persons or events in actual existence are unintentional,

and purely coincidental

"DIME A DANCE"

and
"THE DUSTYBEAR CHRONICLES"
Copyright C 2005 and
Copyright C 2006 DUSTYBEAR

writerbear.com

"DUSTYBEAR " "DIME A DANCE"
AND "THE DUSTYBEAR CHRONICLES"
ARE THE PROPERTY OF THIS AUTHOR

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

ABSOLUTELY NO COPYING OR UNAUTHORIZED REPRINT
WITHOUT PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR

WISHES OF IF...

2007-06-04T00:18:00.000-07:00

If a kiss was a raindrop,
I'd send you showers.

If hugs were a second,
I'd send you hours.
If smiles were water, I'd send you the sea.

If friendship was a person, I'd send you me.

Copyright C 2005
by Dustybear
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

BROKEN SILENCE

2007-06-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

THE SILENCE...
broken by the howl

without a mate

fate

please be kind

bind me

to this boi

and let OUR joy

howl..

through the night

I fight the tears

that like rivulets of

white ingots

burns my cheeks

with their flow

Will SOMEBODY GO...

find him for me please?
Seize him

bring him

so his love can

cover

while I hover

underneath

his fiery

embrace

I can feel my heart RACE

at the thought

I just bought

this box of tissue

Issue me two more

for my tears

have hit the floor

One, two...many times

Crimes of passion

should be happening

now

How do I get it across

to this my would be mate

that our fate needs to...BE

See?

We can be free

indeed

I'M in NEED

of you

Okay, I'm through,
and I await

your word

and your heart

and YOU

I'm sooo blue

without you

HOWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Then let this be a HOWLING success.

Save me, too.
Enslave me, enrapture,
embrace

and race for the grand prize

I surmise.

If you were a road, I'd want to travel it

til I could find you with my eyes closed

Sensual, HOT...and hosed down

to lessen the heat...

STEAM!

Ream the Dustybear...

and I swear

I'll be none the worse for wear

Heart and soul.

You are the song I long to sing

'til I know every word

and every note

as if I wrote every line

I'm doing fine,
after a word or two

from you

That would make my day..

You came to play

and now I'd love for you to stay

my heart and soul

its cold...here,
without your fire

Come, take me higher

way up

fill my cup

and let the love that binds us

over flow

'til the river takes us, sometimes rough.

sometimes gently

to its ebb and though

I CAN make it without you

what a bum

Come...
stoke the fire

and let the waves of crimson

move us higher than we ever thought
we could

we would
we should

Knock on wood

I'd be your BEST dude

and our interlude

would be truly SOMETHING

Bring your BEST birthday suit

Whatever it is would suit me fine

sign off...

cough..

grin

I WIN

hehe..

Hope the grand prize is not you...
but US

okay, fuss at me now...

LISTEN TO THE QUIET
You can almost hear two hearts

BEAT

tah dum..,tah dum...
Strum me like a guitar...
wonder

how far...we could carry this tune

JUNE?

Soon...please.
Seize me
and LET THE MUSIC PLAY...

Hey baby, come save me.

Read me all those sweet lines like a vibe...

and ride

Just slide into my soul like
a stride into my heart...

Start...to beat out of control
and take my toll
so I can feel so alive...
Strive to be the best.
Better than the rest,
and I know you can pass this test.

Luv,
I quiver and quake to the beat your words
like symphonies play for me
into the long hours of the night...

Fight...to keep these dreams alive.
I strive to be with you
See into you...to breathe you in...
Come again...
rescue me from this abyss...

It's you I miss...kiss.

Howl.

Dustybear

UNDERNEATH IT ALL

2007-06-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

 
Underneath
your clothes
There's an endless story
There's the dude I chose
There's my territory
My story starts there
and ends wherever 
he is...
and all the good things
that he might deserve
I will never reserve
from him
 
He's worth all the money
He is my sunny day
and in every way
he is my Honeybear
can I bear life without his love?
Shove me in the furnace
and melt me down to an ash
smash my face
race over with me wth a herd
of buffalo
so low would I be
without that boi who sets my heart free
and only he
can pilot my light
and bring me to flight
all through every night
forever more 
 
Copyright C 2003 Dustybear
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

BEARPIECES...FIRST BLUSH

2007-06-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

THE FIRST BLUSH of the rose,

I suppose, is always the brightest

and the best...

but soon, lest it get over done..

life, and fun, and other things take over

and you find you must go on..

but fond

memory

of that first rush

that first blush

TRULY never completely dies

one TRIES to quash the URGENCY seeming

feel

of it all

but there is a place, in one's heart,

where it seems to stall..

and stay

forever more

for

that FIRST BLUSH,

that FIRST RUSH,

is what sets the stage,

for the rage of passion,

hormones, and all

that will befall

you

for the rest of your life

and no strife, joy, pain,

sorrow or anything

will ever bring

an end...

to that memory of how you felt

when LOVE first came your way

HEY

way it is

SO TAKE GOOD CARE

of the first fizz

of bubbly love in your heart

and never depart

from how it made you feel

NEVER steel your heart

against LOVE

NEVER shove it away

for ONE day,

you might come to want it more than

life

and like a knife cutting it all away

it might not come to stay

again

when you TRULY...MOST need it

FIT yourself into the heart of another

and never smother

the love that IS what

TRULY

makes everything all worthwhile

SMILE

LOVE can be

as it first was, you see,

SO true...

and you will fast know it too

but he was blue...

and he couldn't seem to stop the pain

and he didn't even know how to try

"FIRST BLUSH"

COPYRIGHT C 2004 Dustybear

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

excerpted from the soon to be released new novel...
'Dime A Dance - The Saga of Frankie and Tess' Bk 1 Pt 2 - The Plan
Due out in July, 2007

WATER RIDE

2007-06-02T21:29:00.000-07:00

A gentle breeze caressed the trees

and my cheek

or was it you

I stole a peek

The whooshing wind

crashing against my face

like a torrent of sandpaper bubbles

or was it you

as the roller coaster barreled down the track

or was it you

tearing away my troubles

making up for my lack

A whipporwill called out

high up in the tree

maybe to his mate

love her fate

or was it you

MY fate

MY destiny

I felt the gentle waters lapping

Lightly tingling was the spray

against my face

or was it you

in this river ride..,

this space

I'm never quite sure, you know

as I feel the gentle wind blow

the watery spray

the way all these things make me feel

but then you steal their thunder

by crawling under

me and gently lowering me

onto your lap

your arms slap

themselves around me tight

MY HEART GOES INTO FLIGHT

You make my heart, my hair, my BEING

to tingle

my skin to mingle

with your soft flesh

Ohh...we mesh
so well

and I feel you swell

and it just makes it all

seem so natural,

that I cant TELL any longer,
so tell me...

are you my breeze?

when you seize my face in your lips?

Are you my wind?

On my face and behind my back?
Did you crack open the window?

Or is that y0ur passion?

River spray?

Or fiery play...by the HOTTEST dude
I've ever known

Forgive my confused look

it only took

one moment to know

For me,
you are the natural star of MY show.
I feel your breeze

your wind

your moist warm love

your soft eyes above

me filled with such love

I feel your loving arms..

and your passionate rising charms

Everything about you

powerful and true

No its not the mighty wind

and then...

I just lay there and grinned

All night with you I just want to spend

Mother Nature I dont want to offend

But honey YOU

are the force inside me now

How did you DO that?

COPYRIGHT C 2005 DUSTYBEAR

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

THE PANTHER - ENCOUNTERS

2007-06-02T19:34:00.000-07:00

Just a little something I penned.
I hope u like.

Of all the hundreds of poems, songs,
stories, etc. that I've written I
probably still find 'The Panther'
one of my personal favorites.

I don't know why. Just do.
Actually, this is part of a series
of three works that chronicle
the three phases of adolescence
relative to coming of age
and coming out.
In total, they deal with
the process of one's coming to
terms with one's sexuality...
and...
their homosexuality

To start,
PART II followed by the original.
Then the lyrics to the accompaniment...
'I love you so Insatiable'

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

THE ENCOUNTER-------

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

He circled me, warily, steathily,

his power SO obvious ... underneath

his stride.

I felt him,
and felt warmed under that
unrelenting gaze

Amazing...

The power in those awesome eyes...
and then to my surprise
he came right up next to me
while his eyes, never straying
stayed focused on mine.

Unwavering.

I felt my heart climb up into my throat.

NOTE to self:

What does he want with me?

To what purpose is he here for.

WHY?

I felt a cry, deep down inside me...
somewhere

Terror perhaps, and/or fear?
And yet...a sense of intrigue
I am sure.

Mystique, in that boi...

I could tell it was not a ploy,
but the real thing.

Like a coiled spring he continued
his incessant striding,

almost as if riding herd on me.

I can see, and FEEL his gaze.
His unstoppable look, as
I remember thinking to myself.

Then suddenly I saw him crook his neck
AS IF to beckon me.

I was fascinated as I felt myself drawn
to him...and so I went

without hesitation

for down deep inside where I usually hide,

I had already felt him drawing me up.
My cup of excitement already starting
to overflow and I know

my heart had stopped retreating.

He,

repeating his circling of me soundlessly,
with only the sound of two hearts beating
able to be heard

above the roar I could hear coming
from deep inside.

THERE was...SILENCE

except for that.

AWESOME
MYSTERIOUS
SILENCE

and,
STIRRED I was,

to a level I NEVER knew I could be

and in an odd way...
altho surrounded by this panther
of a dude

I felt more free

than I EVER had before.

I felt like a hunk of meat...
hanging, swinging, vulnerable

before a wild carnivore...

and what's more,
I was POWERLESS

to resist

his advance

Could I survive this..?

Could I escape?

Could I run FAST enuf,
FAR enuf,
to outrun him?

A chance I would have to take. YES!

MAKE A BREAK FOR IT!

AND...yet...
my feet seemed disinclined to go

My courage was refusing to flow.

OH, how did he know

it would be like this?

Suddenly, I felt his kiss on my lips

I had been so caught up in thought

I hadnt even felt

his closeness

and yet,

now

it was ALL I COULD...feel.

I felt myself REEL

under his staggering appeal

I COULD FEEL

again
how long it had been

since I had known that much emotion

The notion that I ever could had never
even crossed my mind.

Suddenly, everything is fine.

Yes...he isn't a wild animal at all

but merely a boi

JOY

the sweetest boi I have ever known.

He has shown me the way,

made my day and my life,

has taken my internal strife

and washed it all completely away

He has come to stay

and I may finally know true love again.

when, how, why????

who knows or cares...and THIS TIME,
it won't be the ludicrously
incessantly
crudely and too quickly over...
puppy stuff
of my recent but suddenly absent youth.

NO,

as long as he shares his life and love
with me

MY PANTHER

my love

sleek, lithe, full of life

and humor and fun and quirks and kinks

I thinks I want to keep him.
Keep him close.

Put my nose and my lips and my chest
up against his

and stay there
locked in his arms forever

NEVER

to part.

Be still my heart

for now.

For now,

I know the love of MY Panther

and it is the BEST love
in the whole wide world

swirled in time

boi, so fine

panther love.

Shove me in his direction

make my correction

and mark me sold and delivered

I shivered when I first saw him

and shivering I am still.,.
Will he stay? And play? Evey day?

Forever?

Oh please,boi...seize me in your grasp

and keep me held tight
for as long as there is time.

Ill climb you like a tree

and never leaf. Hehe

ADDENDUM...

Dustybear..09/08/03...
AND NOW!
The original piece..THE PANTHER #1

THE PANTHER...

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Like A Panther your love came

sleek, powerful, overpowering

showering

me with a rampant kiss

urgent bliss

deep promise

solace

protective

love

forever walking beside my faint heart

I start to dream again

to believe the impossible

no trouble

for you
for you see

You see through

my masquerade

rip away the mask

TEAR to shreds my indiscriminate fear

dear

you are to me now

In silence you take my hand, grasp my love

between the teeth of your emotion

throwing caution

to the wind

no more do I fend

for myself

for I have YOU
and our love now

overshadows my shadows

follows my fear & strips me of it

to fit your love deep inside

& replace my empty mindless life with your sweet kiss

SO powerful in its continuation, its culmination

its emotion

the notion

that I could EVER live without it now

G O N E!

Gone, like a forlorn hope distilled into a blended vodka

warm in its consummation

gentle kickstart

to my heart

You stalk my path

take the wrath of my loneliness

& give me a loving hug

you surround me like a rug . inject me like a drug of power

you shower me with your deep passion

mashing my former life beneath the hoofs

of your sleek body

SHODDY
now
every other dude seems

and there are reams I could write about you, your love, your touch

YOU are my future, my hope my dream

SLEEK..it would seem. Strong.

I belong to you now

How

could I ever live

without you

through the years

Torture would become my

only friend

without your love, when

would I die

Immediate. Swift. Sure.

No cure for the disease

that being without my boi here

would be

Lonely dead me

forever more

I implore

you to come take my life, love, hand & heart

never to depart

andsave me from the endless searing pain

that would be my life again

without you

so blue

without you

no you

no me

for without you to adore,

THERE WOULD BE

NO MORE

no more

more!

Like a beach without a shore

like a musical without a score

like a conflict without a war

like a shopping district without a store

without you...
THERE WOULD BE...
no point
no more

more!

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Something ugly this way comes
Through my fingers sliding inside
All these blessings all these burns
I'm Godless underneath your cover
Search for pleasure search for pain
In this world now i am undying
And From the flame, my nation helpless

Black black heart
Why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me, to satisfy
I'm on fire
Im rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

As i begin to lose my grip
On these realities your sending
Taste your mind and taste your sex
I'm naked underneath your cover
Covers lie and we will bend and borrow
With the coming sign
The tide will take the sea will rise and time will
(rape)

Black black heart
Why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me, to satisfy
I'm on fire
I'm rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

Black black heart
Why would you offer more
Why would you make it easier on me, to satisfy
I'm on fire
I'm rotting to the core
I'm eating all your kings and queens
All your sex and your diamonds

IF...

2007-06-01T12:55:00.000-07:00

Somtimes, I just sit by this window...looking out at the world going by...and wonder why, and how...

it seems to be going so much faster now.

It didn't used to be this way.

Hey, I'm still young and full of life...

(In my mind and imagination...and...)

The steamy hot elixir for my soul comes wafting up from my cup...as I sit here and contemplate...what?

Where is my ladder?

I want to...CLIIIIIMB...up to where that eagle flies.

Swoop and curve and FLY...

Maybe not today.

It's hard to climb that ol' ladder...with these arthritic knees.

Please. How did that happen?

I can hear the snappin' now and again. When? Did that...

Pah. No matter. Tomorrow that will all be gone...and I will do that climb thing. On a wing of pure steel, and hi-creative stuff, I will fluff that cloud over there...

SWOOP down and scare all those old folks...those slo-pokes...those, sigh. Such as I.

A tear begins to...

NO!

C'mon MIND....WE CAN...

Hand over my agility...just one more time...

I'll show those young whippers..

Snippers of...something.

I don't remember now.

How...did....?

Only yesterday, it was...when me and my oh so wondrous dreams...

WE...were the HIT of the neighborhood.

I stood...at the precipice of life...and chewed off a hunk,

and RANNNN...to the end of the block...AND BACK...

Now, I lack the energy, stamina, BREATH...to get that far...

TOMORROW, though...I will...by cracky.

Snacky on dreams...and those reams of things I always meant to do...

Few did I actually begin...even less did I...do to...the end...

Why?

I knew life was short.

C'mon sport. Reel them all back in...and, THIS time...

Sigh.

The steam from my coffee...titillates my nostrils...wiggles the hairs in my nose..

God knows...I can still wiggle other parts of me...

Just not as often, or as well...but, BY GOD...

Tomorrow...OH YES I WILL...YOU'll see...oh you doubters of my ability to seize the challenge of a life WAY too devoted to the things that I THOUGHT were OH SO important...

and YET...

Now...

Life is not fair.

Where was ALL this wisdom, and all this knowledge...WAY BACK WHEN I needed it...but all I had then was youthful exuberance. But, no wisdom. Only zeal...and NO IDEA what it should be used for.

I was in that trance they call adolescence...way into my forties.

I WOULD LIVE....or at least exist...FOREVER...

Never would I...be....

what I have now become.

OH NO...

I, kind sirs and madames...

I, was gonna FLY....like that EAGLE UP THERE....

until HELL froze over...

Does one detect a chill in here? Or is it just me....

I pull my blanket up to my chest...and rest my weary head..on the place where old wishes and dreams go to play.

HEY!

AT THE BEHEST OF ME, JUST BECAUSE...

I DEMAND A RECOUNT...

NO?

Pfui.

That, dear ones, is a lot of HOOEY...

I'm JUST as good as I EVER was...

Just...not quite as...agile...

or spry...

WHY?

Why didn't I DO the things that are truly: 1) fun 2) challenging 3) fun 4) educational without being boring 5) fun

Pfui again. When will I ever learn...

I KNOW......

I will RUN...back and do ALL of them...one at a time, or all together...I KNOW I CAN...

Tomorrow. Yep. That is what I surely will do. Tomorrow...a wonderful place...where ALL your dreams come true. Next to yesterday, it's the most exciting place...a space where nothing is impossible, just barely out of reach. Teeech? How do I get back there?

Weary, I feel.

Even just the thought of all that thrashing about...

But, by all that is holy...I'm ASSUREDLY gonna rout the good times, and TAKE THEM....to the sky...

where that Eagle soars...

scores one for the gipper...

'Who was he again?'

"Yes?"

Sorry, you must excuse me. It's time for my pill. Open mouth, pop in that swill, and swallow..while I wallow in my memories...and wonder...

What WILL tomorrow truly bring?

SPRING...in my step.

Volley on to the next big step on the ladder.

RUN to the next milestone in the race.

ROAR to the next place where I shall end up...with my cup full of ideas...screaming all the way with joy...

BOY, does that sound like...

work. Sigh.

You know?

It may sound like I am feeling a tad sorry for myself...here on the shelf of life, but...

actually, it hasn't been all that bad.

Oh, there have been a few bumps...and grinds, hehehe

A mountain or two. Few, really.

More hilly than anything else.

Felts the wind in my face more than once...as I....

Wish I could remember...

Do you?

Yep, I guess...all in all, for all my new-found sense of wisdom that I SHOULD have had way back then...but...

I can't complain.

I have this window, don't I.

Food, caring friends. My books. Music.

AND, I STILL HAVE MY DREAMS...

MY HOPE...

Nope, that ain't gone. Not yet..

Thet is foah sure.

MY hope?

My hope is that all those young just-startin'-outs...out there...will hear me...and see..

you gotta grasp it all while you can.

But, they never do hear, do they?

Did we, my old friend?

Huh?

When some 'OLD' person tried to tell US?

We made a fuss and didn't pay NO mind...

I find that actually pretty funny, but honey?

That's just the way I guess.

Ok, Less and more...the score is even...fair to say...

So, I'll just sit here and enjoy the view for now..

and, how about tomorrow?

What you say, dear one, that we go kick some swooping eagle butt...

and crack open a nut of wondrous things...have some flings...and then we can come back and take our pills, and our naps...

Snuggle close.

That I can still do, right?

DAMN right.

I can cuddle with the best of them. Better than those young upstart knuckleheads anyday. I got LOTS of practice.

Oh yes I...

better mention just one more thing before I take my nap.

Love. That's the ticket...to wonder...

I'm kinda fonder of that magic...

Tragic that so few ever truly find it, huh.

But, as they say...that's they way life goes...

and goes...

and...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Snorrffle..

Tomorrow, BY GOD...Tomorrow,

IF I can get these knees to work,

and my mind to be clear...

and...

I can bring you back from the sky...

Why? Honey?

Why did you have to go and leave me here...where I don't seem to know what to do anymore...

without your smiling face, and your loving arms...and...

Ahhh yes. Tomorrow, I'm gonna get out that trusty ol' ladder...

and I am gonna climb..ALL the way to where you are...

Cause...I miss you so...SO much...I miss your touch, my precious...It always did warm me and push the cobwebs and bad stuff away...

Oh, before I forget...

Or...

Wait...

I can't seem to...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yep, tomorrow...IF...

)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

'IF...'

Written 03/27/07 by Dustybear

BEARPIECES #1...THE DARKNESS c 2007 by Dustybear

2007-06-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

THE PROLOGUE

"Mawnin' Ofee. It's cousin Chahles, dear."

Ofelia had answered the telephone, expecting to hear from Elke. This took her by surprise.
It had been several weeks since she had heard from her cousin down in Lewziana.

"Chahles? Lawd Hawney. How are yah?"
"I'm okay, Ofee deah...but, sad to say, we got a problem."
"Oh?"

"Mawnin' Bear. It's me...Ry."

I had answered the telephone, expecting to hear from Rose. This took me by surprise.
It had been several weeks since Ry had called me.

"Ry? Dwacious. How are yah?"
"I'm okay, Bear. Afraid though that we got a problem."
"Oh?"

I of course had no clue what this was about. Nor did I know about Ofelia's cousins call to her.
Ry would tell me of course. He had already talked to his cousin Chahles, and to his mother Ofelia.

Ofelia of course had no clue either what this was all about. Nor did she know about her son Ryan's call to me...while she and her cousin were talking.

We WOULD find out...
and both Feelie and I would come to a point of wishing we hadn't taken those calls.

OH HELL yes.

But, unfortunately, we did...and with that Feelie and I, and the rest of our friends...began another trek into wonderland. A place I personally am beginning to HATE...with a passion.

Wonderlands, to mah way of Bearthink, oughta be a place of magic and wondrous HAPPY things. NOT the dark, grim, terror-filled place we were about to find ourselves inhabiting.

SO MUCH FOR THE BROCHURE!

Drat.

HERE WE GO AGAIN...PFUI!

Yes, and so we do...and so will you, as Bear and the rest of the Redneck Mafia, descend into 'the darkness' in both Missouri and Louisiana. God help us all.

)(

'The Dustybear Chronicles - Book 9 THE DARKNESS
copyright c 2007 by Dustybear
All Rights Reserved

HE WANTS TO BE AN ACTAH

2007-05-31T22:51:00.000-07:00

He wants to be an ACTAH

and go to Hollywood. Yup, It's true
to be seen and adored by millions..
of the rest of us...
like me and you...

He wants to go and act and sing
maybe dance a little too...
and do that in the MOVIES
to be seen by me and you.

We will fork over our hard earned dough
to see his talents emerge...
and every time I will look up there at him
I will feel my heart do a little surge

I will think...."I KNEW HIM WHEN"
when he was truly an unknown.

Course, now he has become a HUGE STAR
and to all those naysayers, he has shown

HE HAD IT.
HE HAD THE STUFF...
and the proof is plain to see
but what they really DON'T get shown
is ALL the work and pain it takes...
all done to be seen by you
and me.

NOPE. We don't see. We just sit in our seats
with popcorn in hand...and a drink...
and NEVER STOP to really analyze
or with our eager minds to think.

That boi.

He went to HOLLYWOOD
to become a great big star.
He went and he worked so hard,
and, BY GOD. It all took him really far.

But you know? I have to wonder...oh yes I do.
At night?
When all the work is done?

I WONDER...
if this big hero stud-muffin star
truly has any REAL fun.

NOT the HYPE
NOT the "GLAMOUR"
NOT the FANTASYland crap
NOT the stuff of dreams...

Nope. Just
walking hand in hand
in the moonlight,
two hearts touching.

I'm wondering if maybe sometimes?
Does his heart scream? Just a little?
For the wanting...of,
the things he is missing.

Walking along, kicking sand.

Two lovers along the beach.

OR DOES HIS HEART...STOP...
NOW AND AGAIN?
IS REAL LOVE for my big strong hollywood star,
just out of reach?

The love of someone NOT a STAH
LOVING This boi
for WHO HE REALLY IS.

NOT just for the image,
the manufactured celluloid...pop the cork champagne fizz,
that truly isn't much comfort in the cold wee small hours.
Empty hearts and plastic flowers and that is pretty much all.
Rise and then fall...and then...
WHAT?

No. I KNOW that boi.
I KNOW...he is needing someone to hold at night...
someone to run laughing behind a kite
kicking sand in each others face.

Someone to be LOOKING at HIM, and feeling their heart race

LOOKING...
at HIM...
not the make-up and the made-up, but HIM...
and this feeling of being
LOST IN SPACE

overcoming the race to the top of the bottom of the pile
where most actors eventually end up...
bankrupt of looks, sometimes money too...and the fame they
had so earnestly and devoutly sought...
and believed that that was what they needed to be WHOLE.
But, instead, winding up with a HOLE...in their heart,
where another PERSON oughta be.

AHHH, this timeless...ageless...pancake-make-up wonder

I wonder...
Will Hollywood tear him and his dreams...all asunder?

and hand him FAUX stuff..
cotton candy fluff
made up of...nuff..in?

I look up
at the screen...
DAMN,

still...
loving him, and
only wanting the best for that old love of mine...
and praying and hoping he won't settle for the rest.

and OH YES...remembering...
as a tear falls...yes, remembering...
SO good it was...back then...
back...then.

I knew him when.

We were SO good, but he wanted SO MUCH
to be an ACTAH.

Sigh.

(The phone rings...).

ENGULFED

2007-05-31T16:11:00.000-07:00

I fought

the thought

the notion

like an ocean

it seemed to engulf me

I really knew

the view

into that abyss

was maybe not a pleasant

one

walking alone

flipping small stones

across the water

I oughta know better

the fresh crisp scent

of autum in the air

leaves fallen everywhere

like my emotional

well-being

seeing little

of my surrounding

landscape

I had come here

to escape

my worry

no hurry here

almost timeless

the messy visions

like the proverbial

sugar plums

while faeries danced thru my head

led by a nagging

doubt

almost a shout

rumbling thru my

discomfited

reverie

I knelt down..to pick at

a "last one of fall" flower petal

my heart felt like it was

entombed in a metal

caseing...

standing up,

I began pacing again

slowly walking on

I heard a fawn deer

somewhere near

traipsing

as they are wont to do,

trying to escape being someones

trophy or dinner

would it be a winner?

WOULD I>?

NEW LOVE
can be oh so hard

the wonder, the mystery

the uncertain things...

ahhhh...

sometimes your heart sings

sometimes its just fraught

with the history

of previous loves gone horribly

wrong

sometimes a VIBRANT love song

sometimes not

sometimes a spot of champagne

sometimes a glass of something

almost not drinkable...

unthinkable...

a virtual roundtable of emotions

cascading....

feelings

dealings

going on within

that silly thing

called your heart

that frequently does part company

with right good sense

DO YOU BUILD A FENCE?

or an open door?

do you want less, or more?

what does HE want?

A fun night?

or forever..

always?

or never?

will he come to play?

or to stay?

will YOU be the ONE for him?

he for you?

AHHH>>

NEW

SO NEW

and so I find myself out here

lost in thought

a fraught with danger time

excitement

anticipation

longing

longing to BE..

belonging.,.

needing....

WHAT?

A TIME OF REFLECTION

of meditation

of anticipation

of waiting

waiting for .....

MORE?

less?

what a mess my heart is right now

I walk on,

alone,

and wonder........

____________________________________________________________________________________________

ENGULFED